Trying to be a quitter

I need to quit. I know it. I’ve know it for a while. For a long time I kept thinking that if only this would happen (new job), or that would happen (new city), that it would magically happen too. That I could easily give it up if only life improved some way or another. Nope, it doesn’t work that way. I need to give it up now, and, the sooner the better.

My reasons for quitting:

  • It’s going to kill me.
  • I need to quit smoking, and I’ll never have the willpower to quit smoking if I keep drinking.
  • I am hurting my husband.
  • I am staying up way too late, and sleeping in way too long, and I am ALWAYS tired.
  • My skin.
  • I am a lazy lump all evening, every evening, prioritizing wine over everything else.
  • I don’t want to be the slowest person while hiking anymore.
  • Getting drunk doesn’t help my angst about this election, or about finding a job, or why my parents are such assholes – it’s making it all worse. Gulping wine while reading political comments on facebook at 1 am is a BAD idea.
  • I hate feeling fuzzy headed – and having that sneaking suspicion you wouldn’t feel so dense if you didn’t drink so much.
  • It’s expensive.
  • Drinking is holding me back from doing all the things I need to do to be a better person.
  • It’s probably, really, going to kill me.

To be honest, there’s a glass of wine in front of me right now. I failed yet again this evening – another rejection yesterday after another job interview just wrecked me. But I was reading a bunch of awesome sober blogs today and felt (hoped?) that putting this into words might help. I am also terrified. Try again tomorrow.